What I was feeling when Tom hit me...
The feeling I felt when Tom hit me is one of the most
horrible things I’ve ever felt. I wish I could say it was the first time I felt
that way, but it’s happened before. The familiar sting from his blow lingered
on my skin. It was amazing how ironic the situation was. The most recent incident
was at my party in Tom and I’s apartment. It’s almost comical how his touch
made me feel like I was floating off the ground when we were alone together,
but how only minutes later, that same touch shattered my heart, broke my nose,
and left me a bruised, bleeding, crying mess.
One word. It only took one word for him to hit me. A name:
Daisy. That was one rule that was made very clear from the beginning of our “relationship”
(if one would call it that) and had been reinforced ever since. I was never to
speak of her. I could never fully grasp the intention. Was it from a place of
love to protect her from my criticisms? Or perhaps it stemmed from a place of
shame as he was doing things with me that he should really only be doing with
his wife. Or maybe… just maybe… he was so infatuated with me, that he couldn’t
bear to think about another woman. That had to be it. It was because he loves
me. It was for the same reason that he struck me that night in front of
everyone. It was my fault anyway. It was always my fault. Tom doesn’t want to
hurt me. He only does it because he cares about me. The more I thought about it,
I realized just how unjustified my actions were. He never made a comment about
me cheating on George, he always made sure I was comfortable, and he had bought
me so many things. I had no reason to treat him the way I did.
I’ve thought about this moment a lot, and it all makes sense
now. Despite what Catherine says, Tom loves me. I know he does. So when I was screaming Daisy name, he must’ve
been thinking about her. He wanted to hit her,
not me. The same goes all the other times he’s laid a hand on me. It’s just his way
of showing love. I’m so foolish to have not realized that sooner. I really
should apologize to him for my horrible actions.
Most Affectionately,
-Myrtle
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